My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
