and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
