I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The power of my boobs compel you
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
