Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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