he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
