Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
