I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We need to get me chipped asap
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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