my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My breasts were aching with rage.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
