haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
