just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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