He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
