That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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