bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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