Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
