never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
