evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
