What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
