she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
