My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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