My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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