i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
