He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
