I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
