wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
