bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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