I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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