I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
