Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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