it's too hot outside to masturbate.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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