i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
