so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
