She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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