don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize