Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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