That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
