How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
