what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Couch. On fire.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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