Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
