he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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