Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
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