onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
