Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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