I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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