I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i now understand why vodka
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
