She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize