If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
