he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
