well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
