have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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