I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
