So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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