You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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