Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
