dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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