He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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