just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
