looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
