cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
