No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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