so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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