Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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