So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
