TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
