I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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