Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
