He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
