Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
