his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
