I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
