Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
