i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
