More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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