so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
