Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
