i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
two words...techno handjob
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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