My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
