It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
