Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
