i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Someone shattered a urinal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize