I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
