i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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