): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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