My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
